


Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Salad?!

by ChillieBean



Series: Misadventures of the Watchpoint [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ana's salad, Anal Sex, Gettin' caught with their pants down, Kitchen Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 18:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11674338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillieBean/pseuds/ChillieBean
Summary: Inspired from a piece of artwork which was inspired fromthat"Right in front of my salad!" meme, this is the McHanzo version!Jesse and Hanzo get busted by Genji in the Watchpoint kitchen.





	Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Salad?!

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Won't somebody please think of the salad?](https://overdrugs-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/163646484640/wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-saladan) by overdrugs-mayhem.
> 
> And brainstorming (read: shitposting) from myself, [Crescendmoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/crescendmoon/pseuds/crescendmoon) and [Magisey](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Magisey/pseuds/Magisey)
> 
> Unbeta'd, and whipped up in a little under two hours.
> 
> Enjoy!

Hanzo rolled his shoulders, bringing his hand up to his neck and massaging at the knot in his trapezius muscle. He sighed, walking down the empty and quiet corridors of Watchpoint: Gibraltar. The overhead lighting was dimmed, just bright enough to illuminate his path down the corridor.

It was late, and most of the Watchpoint would have already retreated back to their quarters. Hanzo had spent the last few hours after dinner in the gym, in the company of the punching bag and some American country music Jesse recommended him; a genre of music which surprisingly he has become particularly fond of.

He made his way to the mess hall with the intention of brewing a cup of tea and retreating back to his quarters to read over the report for an upcoming mission. A near month long affair by the look of it; based on the discussion he has had with Ana and Morrison about it. 

He entered the mess, spying Jesse as he made his way around the breakfast bar and into the kitchen, spreading peanut butter over a piece of bread.

Hanzo smiled, placing his hands on Jesse's hips, standing on his toes to kiss his cheek. "I did not expect you to be awake at this hour."

"I was just fixin' myself a midnight snack," Jesse purred, bringing his hand up to the back of Hanzo's head, fingers rubbing against the shortened hair of his undercut. "How was your workout session?"

"Adequate," Hanzo sighed, separating from Jesse. He approached the kettle, filling it with water and flicking on the switch to boil the water. He leaned against the bench, stretching his neck from side to side. "I will require a massage."

Jesse turned around, licking the knife from excess peanut butter while leaning against the bench himself, crossing his legs at the ankles. "Oh, will ya now?"

"Hmm." Hanzo met Jesse, his legs on either side of Jesse's. He wrapped his arms around his neck. Standing on his toes, he kissed Jesse's neck softly, the prickle from his beard tickled his nose.

Jesse brought his hands down to Hanzo's hips, hands slipping under his shirt and onto bare skin. "And just  _where_  are're needin' a massage?" Jesse whispered.

Hanzo turned around, bringing Jesse's hands up to his trapezius muscles. Body pressed againt Jesse, he closed his eyes and melted into Jesse's touch, the firm circles from his thumbs on the aching muscle felt like pure ecstasy as the knots melted away. Hanzo hummed in appreciation with each revolution of Jesse's thumbs. 

"How's that feel?" Jesse whispered into Hanzo's ear, his lips ghosting the outer shell.

“Perfect,” Hanzo breathed, relaxing every muscle in his body.

All except one, it seemed, from the bulge visible in his sweats.

Hanzo turned around, bringing his hands behind Jesse’s neck, pulling him down and kissing him passionately; the taste of peanut butter was strong on his tongue. Bodies flush, he started grinding against Jesse’s hip, making his intentions known.

Hanzo bit Jesse's bottom lip, rousing a moan from Jesse's lips as he pulled away, bringing his hands down to Hanzo’s ass. “That good, huh?”

Hanzo winked as his hands trailed down Jesse’s torso, inside the waistband of his sweats finding his half hard cock. With a firm grip, he started stroking, his motions long and slow. He glanced through the breakfast bar, stretching to see the window on the mess hall doors; no activity seen or heard. 

Standing on his toes, he brought his lips to Jesse’s ear. “Feeling risky?” He whispered, biting his ear lobe.

“Oh sugar, you know how to get my gears goin’,” Jesse breathed, kissing Hanzo’s neck. “I assume you came prepared?”

Hanzo chuckled, “I am always prepared.” He was. This was not their first time having sex in public.

Jesse turned around, facing the breakfast bar. He slid his pants down and spread his legs, coming down to Hanzo’s height. He looked at his sandwich and pushed the plate to the side.

Hanzo grabbed the small bottle of lube from his pocket and hiked down his pants, squirting a generous amount on his throbbing cock. Standing on his toes, he lined himself at Jesse’s entrance and pushed in slowly, the tight drag was delicious and enough to have him moan softly as his body was flush with Jesse’s.

He started a slow pace. It was late and everyone was in their quarters. There was no need to rush.

The room was silent, aside from the slightly laboured breathing from the both of them. Hanzo rested his head on Jesse's back, quickening his pace slightly. Jesse grabbed onto the bench as he could feel the pleasure building in his core. Hanzo reached around, grabbing Jesse's cock and pumping to match his rhythm.

He was close to orgasm. That was, until the door opened, and a heavy sigh carried in the empty room. Hanzo let go of Jesse and stopped thrusting as two tupperwear containers and a fork were tossed onto the breakfast bar as Ana sat down, slumped, resting her elbows on the bench and her head in her hands.

“Oh, today has been a shit day,” she muttered, glancing up at them before opening the larger container, revealing a salad. She popped a cherry tomato into her mouth, chewing on it as she opened the smaller container, dressing her salad. With her fork, she tossed the salad slowly, stabbing at the lettuce and shoving that in her mouth. She chewed and swallowed, looking at them. “So how have you two been?”

Hanzo smirked. He could not see Jesse’s face, but could tell by his rigid posture that he was tense. He thought about it for a moment, from Ana’s perspective, her angle from her seat, she could not see anything sinister. Ever so slightly, Hanzo continued thrusting.

“Uh… umm…” Jesse stammered, gripping the bench tighter than before; his knuckles bone white. The bench creaked under the pressure of his prosthetic before he let go.

Ana looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together in a frown. She opened her mouth to say something when her comm buzzed. She closed her eyes and shook her head before standing up. “Excuse me,” she sighed as she exited the room.

“Fuck,” Jesse breathed, grip on the bench from his flesh hand loosening as he relaxed again. “Much as I don’t wanna rush you, we got lucky, Han.”

“Nonsense,” Hanzo bit back. “She cannot see what we are doing.”

“You’re temptin’ fate here, Hanzo.”

Hanzo smirked, thrusting hard and rousing a moan from Jesse. He brought his flesh hand up to his mouth, biting on his fist to stifle his moans.

A loud thud then filled the room; the door hitting the doorstop.

“Aw, come on,” Jesse whined, looking to see who had entered the room.

Hanzo nodded in agreeance. He had not crossed paths with anyone in hours. And now, it seemed, was the time he would see everyone. He huffed; usually at this hour no one is around.

“There you are!” Genji exclaimed, pointing with both index fingers at them. “I’ve been looking everywhere. Should have figured you’d be getting a midnight snack.”

This time, it was Hanzo who was tense. But still, based on the angle and distance, he surmised that Genji could not tell there was anything more happening.

“What do you want, Genji?” Hanzo asked steadily while thrusting shallowly.

“Just wanted to chat is all,” Genji answered, leaning on his forearms against the breakfast bar. He looked down at Ana’s salad. “Been debriefing with Ana all evening, boring as all hell.” He hung his head low.

“’Cause of the mission?” Jesse said coolly, to Hanzo's surprise. Perhaps he was being too cautious. He increased the speed of his thrusting ever so slightly, causing Jesse to tighten around him.

“Yeah,” Genji sighed, sitting in the seat next to Ana's. “I can’t believe it went as bad as it did, but we all made it out safe and uninjured. So that’s a plus." He paused, tapping his hands on the bench to some tune Hanzo could not recognise. "I got completely scolded by Ana because I was in charge. It reminded me of those times we used to get in trouble when we were kids, Hanzo.” Genji spun on the stool, his back to Hanzo and Jesse. He leaned back, resting his elbows on the bar.

Jesse reached around and grabbed Hanzo’s hip. Based on his grip, and lucky for Hanzo it was his flesh hand and not his prosthetic, it was code for ‘finish, now!’

But, Hanzo was having too much fun. He did increase his pace, going as fast as he could without the sound of ruffling from clothing, or skin slapping on skin would allow. Which was not terribly fast.

“But damage was reported, yes?” Hanzo continued the conversation to not rouse suspicion from his brother.

“Yeah, Hana’s mech got pretty banged up. She’s probably down in the workshop now trying to get it fixed.” He rolled his neck and extended his legs forward, crossing one leg over the other at the ankles. “Reinhardt told her to get some sleep but you know Hana, she’s determined. Even he backed down when she went off at him,” he chuckled. 

Jesse hung his head low, once again bringing his hand up to his mouth. He tightened around Hanzo and his hips bucked.

“Anyway,” Genji said as he turned back around. “Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

“Oh, not….ahh…” Jesse trailed off, pausing for a moment, trying not to lose himself in the moment. “Nothin’ much,” he breathed.

“Smooth,” Hanzo whispered, shaking his head.

Genji cocked his head and stood up on the footrest of the stool. “Wait a second…” he trailed off, before leaning on all his weight on his forearms on the bar. “Are you guys fucking?!”

Jesse braced himself on his forearms, hiding his face as Hanzo smirked. The secret was out, and it was not the first time Genji had caught him in the act. He continued thrusting, only taking a few more thrusts before he came. He looked back at Genji, breathing laboured and shaking his head. “No.”

“Come on, guys! Right in front of Ana’s salad?!” Genji pointed at the lone salad as he sat back in his seat, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“What, and _you’re_ not fazed by this?” Jesse asked, voice muffled and still hiding his face.

“Hanzo fucking? No. I've seen enough of _that_ to permanently burn my retinas. Just… this is a kitchen. Food gets prepared on _that_ bench! The one you've probably jizzed all over.” Genji looked at the sandwich. “Oh, for fuck’s sake… there’s a peanut butter sandwich right there. Right next to you!”

Jesse looked at the sandwich. “Oh yeah, my snack,” he chuckled.

“…All right, keep me apprised.” Ana’s voice filled the mess hall, and that was warning enough for Hanzo to pull out and hike up his pants, making his way to the kettle to reboil the water.

Jesse pulled up his pants, bringing his sandwich up to his mouth and taking a bite.

Ana looked at Genji, hand up to his shaking head, before looking at Jesse who was casually flicking through a magazine someone left behind while eating his sandwich and Hanzo who was adding tea to a strainer, before turning her attention to Genji. “Did I interrupt something?”

**Author's Note:**

> Practice safe sex irl, folks!! 
> 
> I'm also on the [Tumblr!](https://chilliebean5.tumblr.com/) Come say hi!


End file.
